1989

At five, I had friends
with runny noses and grimy hands
half tucked ink stained shirts
and pink hello kitty hair bands
friends with lunchboxes laden
apples, jim-jams and rolls
flipped open and shared
even before the lunch bell tolls
friends who smuggled my bag in
on days that I was late
and covered my three feet high self
as I squeezed in from under the gate

some came home to me
as  sniffling and shivering I lay
swathed in five layers,
they held my hand and declared
like grim old pygmy soothsayers
"You will be well in just a day
Shoo...scat you bad bad flu !!"
They made me laugh
till my sides hurt like crazy
they got back class notes for me
on days I felt too lazy
 Friends that helped me plan
a birthday bash for my dog,
and gladly ate biscuits instead of cake
when the dog played the greedy hog

Friends who were oddballs
some ate chalk
others drank glue
some nibbled on erasers
one claimed he once flew
yet another could moonwalk
At five, I had friends
with broken teeth and grimy hands
Young foolish tots
they sure knew how to be friends... :)

Vogon Poetry

My friends thought I was joking
when I said I am an alien
My freak quotient shot up
in a day by ten gazillion

I showed em' my control board
they oh-aahed and said 'fancy'
I even pulled out my tentacles
they called me cute n pansy

I stood in the dark for a day
till my batteries all but ran out
I got 'em charged up in the sun
and still they had some doubt

meanwhile my leader up there
in gynaemeda seven
drummed his fingers in impatience
and looked up at the heaven

my ten years of undercover life
as Rajinder Parsad Sahani
was falling apart in seconds
as they called it a 'Kahani'

And then the divinity radar
picked up my SOS beep
riding on a cloud of dust
came a red and yellow jeep

Out jumped a young lady
mike n camera in tow
she drew a big red circle
covering me head to toe

flashes popped, cameras rolled
i grunted and spoke into 'em
moved my tentacles, flashed my lights
and even showed 'em my pink phlegm

The next evening on prime time
'Alien attack' made the headline
the young lady with the chaste hindi
assured you all was not fine

They asked 'who is he'?
or could 'he' be 'she'?
will the aliens capture earth?
and will they set humans free?
why did they abduct the cow?
was it for the milk?
if they wear clothes like us
will they next want our silk?

And thus my ten year long mission
was finally a success
after a secret small town life
disbelief, ridicule and stress

Now my leader full of glee
to take me back will agree
for now humans are aware
that aliens are out there
all thanks to a TV channel
who even have a panel
discussing us 24x7
for which I thank thee heaven

(an entirely uninspiring bit of prose, inspired
entirely by a feature on aliens on a 'certain' news channel
all characters in this post are completely fictional...and no,
I do not know any Rajinder Parsad Sahani...dead or alive, tentacles
or no tentacles :)